Past couple months I have been struggling. Been dizzy and battling my work with ADA. Been to doctor he noticed my pulse was high and EKG was off. He setup for pft and heart doctor. The pft came back as 53% fev1 which I should be happy because there's no difference from a year and half ago. But I'm disappointed because I'm right on the line for ssdi. My mornings are rough where I wake up gasping for air. Then by the time work rolls around I'm exhausted and my anxiety is through the roof. I went through this last year and the year before. I don't want to do it anymore. I'm tierd of being just well enough. My job is stressful but it's a sit down job. It's what I can do now. I might have heart problems and now that might cause more problems. How do I have the motivation to go on? People will say for your family. But I'm 38 years old divorced for 10,no kids I had a son that died 2 weeks after birth and the only real friends I have is a couple I feel are tierd of hearing me complain about my situation. My parents are old and out the door with tons of health problems. I feel my life could improve some way if I didn't work anymore and didn't have to struggle anymore. I know that's dreams. I sit by and watch others find happiness as I sit knowing those things they have are beyond me. I sit all day having anxiety and possible panic attacks(depending on what the heart doctor says) I just don't know why I keep waking up everyday. I'm pantheist, a religious belief with no karma or heaven and hell. We all get a do over. I just don't know what to say or rationalize going on anymore. How do you all do it?