Hi all,
Happy to have found you.I don’t yet have a COPD diagnosis but I’m anticipating one soon.I smoked (not cigarettes that much, but pretty heavily marijuana with tobacco) for about 10 years from 15, then more sort of social smoking for the next 10 years (I quit a couple of times for 6 months or so at a time then it would creep back in).I’m 45 now, male, for the record. For the last 10 years I’ve basically not smoked anything, but have vaped, I would say moderately, most days.I’ve had a bit of a wheeze and (now I think about it) SOB on exercise for a good while now, maybe getting on for 10 years.In the last couple of years I notice some shortness of breath when combining talking/eating/walking etc that never used to be the case.
I was referred 4 years ago when I mentioned my wheeze and some chest pain at the GP.I had Spirometry and an MRI scan.Apparently Spiro was fine and the MRI (not sure why they did an MRI, I understand it isn’t preferred, there was no contrast gas used or anything) didn’t show anything interesting.The lung guy I saw was very dismissive, he told me that if I gave up vaping (I didn’t) for a month my wheeze would probably go away.
I had some chest pains around 3 months ago and quit vaping for good.I was referred back to spiro, the results presented to me were ‘mild obstruction, slightly raised FeNo within normal range.Not possible to rule out asthma as no reversibility performed’.I was given a dual 100/6 steroid inhaler to try for 28 days, after which if there was an improvement they would pursue an asthma diagnosis.I read that this is supposed to make a difference within a few days to a week, and 2 and a bit weeks on my wheeze might be a touch better, my breathlessness remains.I’m fairly in shape and exercise regularly as it is.
So I guess I fully expect to be diagnosed mild COPD – not sure how mild, what damage, etc.This has sent me into a total spin that is making it near-impossible for me to function.I’m in a constant state of panic, which is not helping anything – I thought I was going to faint yesterday.I’ve been on Zoloft in the past for anxiety and have some left over, I started taking it again today because I requested a GP apt and they can’t see me for a week.I’m trying to work and take my mind off it, but I’m consumed by guilt and fear.I have 2 young girls, 3 and 5.Every spare moment I’m on forums, reading research articles, looking for some hope, stem cells, valves, people staying ‘mild’ for decades.I’m cancelling all plans, and just scraping through the days forcing myself to eat and getting 4 or 5 hours of sleep a night.
My life was otherwise near-perfect.My family means everything to me, and I’m terrified about what kind of father and husband I will be able to be, one with a progressive condition and two if I’m unable to control the anxiety that comes with it.I know it’s early days, I know I can make a difference to how it progresses. But I’m struggling – I need to be a father to them for as long as possible. Thoughts enter my mind like ‘if I can be pretty functional until they’re in their 20s…would that then be an acceptable time to die?’
Kudos to all of you for dealing with this with fire and positivity. I’m not yet there with you but I want to be.
Sorry for the double post - I also posted this oin error on the message board. Love to all.