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My mom has been in n out hospital now with copd. This last time she on vent and had to come off due to 14 days. she lost weight alot . I was given choice of trach and n nursing home but she told me before no. If they took her off vent she had maybe 4 hours. I promised her no home or prolonging it. So they took her off vent and she held on but with medication keep her supposably calm. All thru the night she moved relentlessly crying for a gun or to go home. she kept fidgeting constantly. Then the next day they tried to see if she could swallow. he couldnt. They said if she had a breathing attack it wouldnt take long,.They then tried to put a feeding tube in her n she just lost it and she was sill partially sedated. I didnt want to but they couldnt let her starve. That didnt go well they had to take out cause didnt go in stomach. Now she is tied down cause shes just crying n moving. My heart breaking this is my mother. I bent down n told her Im trying to keep my promise but it didnt go the way we were told and she has to let go herself n when i stood up n we made eye contact her eye s closed and her breathing went crazy. Now Im told wont be lonng so again Im saying not goodbye but see you soon. There was anothere time wwe though we losing her soon n said see you soon in heaven. So now Im on 3rd time thinkng her hurt will go away. Now 8 hours passed n nurse comes in and I asked how long n Im told could be couple days. I had a mentall breakdown. I live hour and a half away from the hospital. I had my nephew come stay with her n I had to leave. They said she was comfortable n could still hear us. Im up there now for almost 2 days with maybe 3 hours sleep. I got up in morning n called hospital n now their asking me about hospice or bringing her to my home. I Iost it. Now I know she hasnt eaten in 2 days N know she can go longer. OMG I want her here with me no idea how I will handle it but now every promise I made to her is gone. 2 days I heard from her crying to go home or kill her or just cry een on meds. They said it was the meds but meds dont bring tears. I told them to find out iif she can be near me or drive her to my home which is hour n half away. so now waiting on call. This is so wrong. I dont kow now how long she has left to be like this. I dont believe she not suffering. If you can you can feel. She was to be sedated where she didnt know anythng going on but they got her on meds that they can only use that keeps her comfort. This is what they told me. I rather have her not hear anything just deep sleep til she goes. Has anyone been in this spot n tell me howw long she can go. I hae no idea now if they will put a feeding tube in her to feed her to keep her going.She cant starve to death but Damn they told me 3 times she be gone in certain amount of time. Now hospice. Im lost plz any advice. Helen
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